I sit down in the only empty chair in the office manager's office. I am sitting across the desk from our office manager, one of my many project managers sits in the chair to my right. Suddenly, the project manager gets up and walks behind me to close the door to the office, shutting us all in together. The office manager had just called me in to talk, and now I was curious what this was about.
Suddenly, I realize that I didn't bring in a pad of paper or a pen with me. I hope that whatever project details that we are about to discuss, I can remember off the top of my head. Dang it, I hate forgetting something to take notes with.
The office manager takes a breath and begins, "This is actually a difficult meeting. There are some additional layoffs, the workload is waning... With the decrease in the market, clients are now pulling out of development planning... With winter coming up, it's looking like an even harder winter than we orginally thought..."
I nod my head. Yeah, the economy is tough, but I have projects on my plate that I am working on. I have work. So, I ask, "Who is getting laid off?"
"Well, OfficeSurveyorGuy, and FieldSurveyorGuy, and LandscapeArchitectGirl..."
And suddently, I realize: "Oh, and I assume me then, since I'm here."
"Yes... and you."
"Can I ask WHY I was chosen?"
"That's a good question, and it was a hard one to make--"
The project manager next to me interrupts, "It was VERY hard to decide, believe us..."
The office manager continues, "We had to base our decision on workload, utilization, client load, and it was difficult to decide. Because of the downturn in the stock market and the economy--"
All of a sudden, I couldn't hear past the buzzing in my head. I AM LAID OFF? I don't get it. I really can't comprehend this. I didn't prepare for this in the least. The buzzing in my head is getting really loud now, my head is starting to hurt.
What am I going to do? Scott probably won't get hired for a month or so, and my income right now allows me to have a car, allows me to pay my debt down and not go delinquent, allows us to have food on our table, keeps the lights turned on, keeps us warm under the roof. What the hell is happening? Gosh, this buzzing won't stop.
"-- and our company has given you a very nice severance package, which includes--"
A severance package? I AM GETTING ONE OF THOSE? Those are for the unemployed, not for me. Ever since I started working at 15 years old, I have ALWAYS had a job. Okay, maybe I didn't work for that one month when I moved over to Klamath Falls for college, but I got one right away after that.
But wait a second. My heart fills with anger. I WAS CHOSEN because I had made murmurings to this same office manager about the possibility of transferring to the Portland office. Well, maybe tranferring. IF Scott got a job, WHICH HE HASN'T YET.
I can't fucking believe it. They booted me before I could actually make the conscious decision to leave myself.
The buzzing in my head continues. I am watching the office manager talk about the final check, what it includes, more talking, I wasn't listening.
"Excuse me," I chime in. Suddenly, the buzzing stopped and it was silent in the office. Both men look at me. "So, it's effective right now? Can I leave? And, I'm getting paid up until today? Should I turn in a timecard or something?"
"Yes, effective now. You can leave whenever. You can turn in your timecard if you want. That will be fine."
And then the buzzing continues. I'm not going to turn in my timecard, I'm FRIENDS with the lady that does that. She will make sure I get paid.
What will I DO without a job? I am going to lose everything. And I'm not ready. I just got married, I should be starting a JOYFUL life with Scott. And now, everything seems to be slipping from my grasp The car, your wedding ring, the four-wheelers, the house, YOUR SANITY.... Mandy, the SEVERANCE package will run out sooner than later, and you will lose it all.
I will be the crazy lady on the corner, who drools and talks to herself, shaking from the cold, wearing two ratty beanies on her head, holding a sign asking for spare change. And all because of THIS office manager on the other side of this desk.
I take the You've-Just-Been-Canned-Folder full of material that I'm sure going to read later, not right now, from the office managers grasp. He asks, "So, we want to know if you'd like to schedule a good-bye from our team?"
My eyes fill with tears as I start to think about all the different faces that I will have to say goodbye to. "No, thank you. No offense, but I'd rather leave and come back tonight to clear my desk."
"Okay," both men look at me in sadness. In my heart, I know it was a hard decision, but right now, my heart is hurt. I know that my eyes are showing them that.
I stand up to leave and get a little dizzy, "Well, thank you." WHAT did I just say?! I shake his hand and the hand of the project manager. "It's has been a great experience, thank you guys."
Why did I just THANK them? What for? For canning me? Sometimes, my automatic pilot responses really piss me off.
3 comments:
Mandy - I am really sorry this has happened to you. Be nice to yourself and don't be too upset over thanking them. Walking out with class and dignity is never the wrong decision. IF you decide you need to "give it to them" you will have had the time and distance to decide how to make your point with the same professionalism that you have shown during all your years working there.
I for one, am glad you DON'T take after yo' mama and that you act as Sharon said, "with class and dignity." Oh wait, maybe you do take after me a bit. When I was laid off from Food-4-Less, I remember shaking Terry's hand and thanking him. I think it's the sadness in their eyes... I am so very proud of you!
No two ways about it. It sucks! I am so sorry to hear this. But I do believe that all things happen for a reason. You and Scott were meant to move. I hope everything works out the way it should. Just consider it a different path you need to take. Love you.
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