Damn Wedding Countdown Spam Emails

I am now getting wedding spam mail.

I guess it must be from the fact that I set up a wedding website, that I have been ordering wedding supplies online, and that we have set up registries online. Either way, I get the spam mail and they each seem to have one of those days-until-the-wedding countdown.

The latest:
"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE 46 DAYS UNTIL YOUR WEDDING!"

Wooo. Awesome. Great.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. I can't wait to officially become Scott's wife. But there are still some things to nail down BEFORE the wedding day, and some vendors to still pay for, and until that's all done, unfortunately I will not be completely stress-free.

So those counters are just pissing me off at this point.

But today, this counter made me think. It made me think back to the month or so before my first wedding. Then, it made me continue to think back to the many past relationships I've experienced. The insecurities... the lack of trust... the miscommunication... the lies... the immaturities... the mismatch in personalities.

It's funny, but before I deleted my old blog (which I considered to be a dating memoir), I printed it out and bound it like the true journal that it was. And I wasn't at all reluctant to let Scott read it. And so he did, he read it cover-to-cover... barely taking breaks to eat, and was even late to work one morning. And after he finished all 70 pages or so, he hugged me tightly and told me how grateful he was to have me. That he loved my writing. That he loved me.

There are little personality pieces that I see in Scott that I really appreciate, mostly because of who I've dated and what they lacked. I have this conversation with my best friend often, she is a person who is divorcing her partner of 10 years. And now, she is clearly seeing what she needs in a man as well.

Why am I gushing? I'm not sure. Maybe because I know that my heart belongs to Scott and that I know that he has accepted it completely. Maybe because he is nothing short of respectful, loving, giving, unselfish. Maybe because now, after all the life-lessons that I needed to learn in my past, I really appreciate what I have in my arms today. And that I'm at a point where I can't imagine living without him.

Maybe because for this moment, I just wanted to put it on the computer screen:
I am so in love with this man that I am about to say "I Do" to in 46 days.